For those who are checking here to stay updated, here you go.
- I called Hershey Pediatric several times this morning to schedule Tyce’s biopsy. When I finally got through, I didn’t even get to finish my name before the scheduler started to chuckle. She was getting ready to call me, she said–and thought there must have been six messages from Tyce on her machine. I laughed and blushed–and confessed to only three of them.
- Tyce’s biopsy is at 11:15am Wednesday am. We have no idea whether his surgery will be planned immediately or scheduled, and the scheduler said that will depend largely on the results of his test (which they’ll probably read promptly due to the next day being a holiday). Thanks to Nick’s mom (Jeanie), who will watch the kids overnight that day.
- Why is it when you are delivering a baby, they seem so big, but when you are looking at his little body and thinking surgery, he suddenly seems so very small?
- Tyce’s disposition has improved. I believe his rough day on Saturday was largely due to his enema test. On Sunday morning I kept him as comfortable as possible and was rewarded with 2 large diapers, which for obvious reasons greatly improves his ability to eat well. We are on the down side of his cycle as I write, waiting for his little body to work through his next movement.
- I threw my iPad in the washer today with a load of laundry. When I remembered, I vaulted from my seat to the washer, where it was submerged in 18 inches of water. Ooops/Sighhhh.
- I worked through Tyce’s birth day bills this morning, and sometimes it’s troubling to know that the bills have only begun to arrive for this adventure. That’s the flesh side of me. But I felt the Lord whisper to me yesterday that He had already made a way. Since that moment, I haven’t worried. He entirely lifted that weight from my shoulders and I am so grateful to be so known by my Father. I feel freed to focus on our little guy, without concern for the backswing.
The Father is so, so very close to us, both in His intimacy and through so many of you. I feel so compelled to stand transparently before you in this time, both in my broken moments and in my courage of Him. He has asked me to stand here and let you watch. Every day, at some point, a simple thought pierces through my armor like a sniper and for a moment, in its seeming validity, I am undone with worry or fear. And each time, in stillness, He is faithful to dismantle any authority other than His. And mine.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
In Him, we are. To float into this complex system of medicine, insurance, testing, scheduling, finances–and all the relationships between those fortresses–can be very intimidating. Freedom means nothing if it can be so easily harnessed by opposition. When those things come out against me, I almost dance to see my roots hold so firmly. …I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy… My roots were hard-won. I am so relieved in their stability and nourishment of me, here in difficult places.
Sometimes I hesitate to be so bold of courage for fear of new challenges. I keep my head down, braced for the other shoe to drop. Or exhaustion silences my dance. But I keep hearing Kelanie’s song, one of my favorites: I am a light, the fragrance of Christ, changing the atmosphere. Come watch me burn, I am a sign and a wonder. Sons, lift your chins in Who He Is and who you are. Step, hope, conquer, endeavor, endure. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
The featured image on this post is a photo of some letters I’ve received as the Lord speaks to others about Tyce. Each voice, each text, each message you have sent…Thank you. Your strength is ours.
And to all those suffering health difficulties, sickness, or disease in this time, may the Lord take your hand and lift you to your feet again. May he sharpen your weary sword of joy and hope, and may He sing new, fresh vision over your sunken shoulders. May your words, every word from your mouth, give life only and bring forward your courage. There is yet wholeness ahead.